Written Wounds - MattxMello
by ChanelDoesWritingStuff
Summary: Why do I feel this way? Why… am I this way? Is this just a phase? Or the real thing? Why do I feel the urge to pull you into my arms away from everyone, but at the same time, strangle you? I just don't understand! No matter how many questions I ask, or how many answers I get, I just won't ever understand!
1. Chapter One

Why do I feel this way?

Why… _am_ I this way?

Is this just a phase?

Or the real thing?

Why do I feel the urge to pull you into my arms away from everyone, but at the same time, strangle you?

I just don't understand!

No matter how many questions I ask, or how many answers I get, I just won't ever understand!

I'm meant to be pulling the ladies, hitting shots with the lads, being the big man. But I feel so… So… Fake.

I mean, I'm still the big man, don't get me wrong. Compared to that blunt, shallow twit Near, I will always be at the top. The very top without a doubt. However, without… Without _him_, I just don't feel so… Me.

We're best friends, always will be best friends. That's what I had in mind all these years, but it's not as simple as that. I need more. I feel more inside. I don't want to just be best friends, I want to be his everything. He is my everything, so I should be his! Right? That… That is right, right? Ugh, I just don't know how this type of stuff works!

I can't be- I- I can't be like… This! I don't like men! I'm supposed to like girls! If any of the guys found out that I _am _ho… I can't even say it. If they found out that I… appeal to the same gender, they'll slaughter me! No, literally. From media, to society, to religion and to some of the people I rely on, homosexuals are treated like the dirt beneath their feet. At Wammys House, if relationships in class were to be mentioned for whatever reason (Usually R.E or PSHE), they'd _always _be referred to a man and a woman, never the same sex. No, we weren't raised that way. So… I don't know what to think!

Though, since when did I follow the rules? Since when did I even care what others think? Since when was I as _weak _as that? …Well, since now I guess.

Should I keep quiet to defend my reputation and authority? Or should I get off of my ass and find Matt, the man I love—No! Not love. I don't… I do love him. I really do. Ack, Mello! Why are you so mushy? You're not like this! What the Hell is going on in my mind?! I can't even agree with myself! It's a constant battle of contradicting and it isn't coming to a conclusion.

For God sake, get your act together! Do I love him or not? Ugh… Of course I do. And does being 1,000 miles away from him help the pain? No, it doesn't. So, what are you going to do? I'm going to kick his sorry ass onto the next flight over here. Putting the mafia a side and catching Kira, I can finally be with him.

I just hope he feels the same way.

Right, I got to call him. What time is it? 22:30, sheesh, is it that time already? He'll be up on his video games anyway. Okay, I need to call him. Now.

I leaned over from the couch, taking my mobile into my palm and dialing those familiar numbers. I was so nervous. My heart was beating out a samba for the world to hear and I'm surprised the device hadn't slipped out of my clammy hands. Maybe I was over exaggerating the scenario at the time, but it certainly felt like how I described.

Oh, shit! Shit! It's ringing! What if he has already found someone? What if he doesn't want to speak to me? Heck, what if he's changed his number or broken his phone? Anything could go wrong now, but I just need to calm down. I've never felt so scared in my life- Scared? That's the wrong word, I'm not scared... I'm not scared of anyone. Nope, not me. I'm just, hm, I'm just-

"Mello? Is that you? …Hello?"

Crap, he's answered and I didn't even realise. Great start, Mello, great start.

I cleared my throat and quickly got my act together, well, sort of. Wait, did I even check if any of the guys were still hanging around the place? I sure as Hell hope they aren't, I mean I'm not going to go all Romeo over the phone but it'll bug me if there was the slightest possibility that someone could hear the conversation. Well, my side of the conversation anyway. They like to know what's going on, and when they don't, they always jump to conclusions. It'll be 'Mello's working for other gangs' or 'Mello's hiding something from us' if they heard me talking over the phone. Which is fair enough I suppose. Being involved with the mafia is a tough business after all.

"…Are you there?" Ack! I've left myself engulfed in thought again.

"U-Uh, sorry Matt. I was out of it for a minute there. Just- Just give me a second" Stuttering? Really, Mello?!

There was a short pause before Matt replied. Other than the low sigh, that is. Simply from that I knew he could tell something was up.

I hurried around the apartment and checked every single room was empty. It was dead quiet, which was the main clue, but I had to be sure. Okay, no one was here. Good, that's good. I… Well quite frankly I ran back to the living room and shut the doors, closed the windows and the curtains. Urrghhhh, why am I being so paranoid?

"Alright, I'm back. You still there?" I wouldn't be too surprised if he had hung up, I've probably gone and distracted him from an 'important' level of his newest game.

Matt chuckled, that was all I needed to hear to be honest. His laugh made me ease and remember whom I was talking to. I was talking to my ol' pal. There was no need to be stressed over this… To a certain extent anyway.

"Yeah, I'm still here. It gave me a chance to pop out side and light up a cigarette anyway" He spoke, I could hear him puffing on the thing.

A little calmer, I fell back onto the sofa, flicking the TV off with the remote.

"So… You called?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, yeah. I was wondering if you've been busy lately"

"Well I've been picking up some sweet games and—"

"I mean career wise, Matt," I laughed with a smirk, he hasn't changed a bit.

"Oh, right. Nah not really. Why?"

"Well, I have a proposition for you"

I heard Matt take a seat and finish his cigarette before answering "Is it to do with the Kira case?"

"Y-..." I hadn't thought of that. Well, I did, but not into too much detail. I do want to beat Near- no, I will beat Near. But that'll involve putting Matt at risk. I'm already risking everything for this case, but Matt too? Is it really the right thing? Am I being selfish? I don't know.

"Yeah, it is. Though, if you're not interested, I understand. It is Kira after all" I finished off my sentence; I need to know that he wants to. I couldn't bare the thought of him taking the job without knowing what could happen to him.

Matt didn't hesitate to answer, I would of expected him to give me a 'I'll call you back' or a 'Give me a moment' at least but… He seemed pretty sure.

"Alright, I'll do it"

"I'll text you your flights date and time sometime tomorrow, I'll pay"

"Right-o, Mells" Oh he _knows _I can't stand that petty nickname.

"Oh and Mattie?"

"Yes?"

I coughed collecting my words "It's going to be great seeing you again"

"Back at you" I couldn't help but smile.

And with that, the call ended.

Now for the difficult part: telling the others that we'll be having a new member. That's going to be a bunch of fun. However, I'll leave that until tomorrow. Right now I think I need to just chill and catch some sleep.

I lifted and stretched my legs onto the sofa, turning the TV back onto some shitty channel that I had left it on. Something about the Kardashians I think it was, I don't fucking know. But it didn't really matter as I fell asleep within seconds anyway.


	2. Chapter Two

"What do you _mean_ we're getting a new member?!" Rod boomed loudly, rising from his seat.

"Listen, he's a useful guy, just let me prove-"

"Didn't you think to tell me about this before?!" He scoffed. He wasn't liking this.

"Boss, we're talking about Kira here. There is no _time _to have chats about it!" I yelled back, scratching my nails on the leather armchair. It's a tough sell, but Rod is going to have to accept it whether he likes it or not.

"It's not some fucking tea party" I sighed.

He sat back down in his chair reluctantly, rubbing his temples with a growl.

"He's a hacker, a real good one." I began "An ol' pal that wouldn't dare betray me".

"And how do you know?" His piercing eyes flickered up at me, ooo, scary.

A slight smirk slipped onto my lips as I leant in closer to him. He doesn't intimidate me.

"Put it this way, boss, if you don't accept Matt into the gang, I'm leaving it" I scowled as his head cocked up from surprise. "And you know you need me" I added.

I climbed to my feet and left the room, glancing over my shoulder for a moment, "Matt will arrive here at two, so be friendly" I teased, soon heading off to the kitchen. That shown him.

I thumped the door open effortlessly, scuffing my feet as I walked inside. "Boy, do I need some coffee" I whispered to myself as I flicked the kettle on and prepared a cup. Geez, it was a complete shit hole. Half eaten kebabs and empty takeaway boxes lurked all over the place. Some I swear began moving. The kitchen sides were incased with thick grey dust, the tiles were stained with a thousand sauces - God knows how, and good luck finding any decent food in the cupboard. All there is is stale bread and four year old jars of Nutella. I do the shopping at times, but not for them, no way. Chocolate, coffee and milk is all I need to keep me going. Honestly, there is more shit in the kitchen than there is in the toilets of this hideout. And that's saying something.

The relaxingly hot steam gently brushed against my cheeks, caressing them softly until the kettle gathered my attention. I picked it up, and tilted it slightly over my cup. Watching the grains of coffee swirl and dissolve as the water rolled in. Ah, that smell of fresh coffee takes my breath away. The sweetness of the smell could easily hypnotise someone. Hey, we could use that for the Kira case.

I leaned over to the fridge, giving it a firm tug of the handle for it to creak open. I pulled out the milk and shut it again with dried substances peeling from the sides of the door as I did so. Gross, man. I added the milk to the coffee and stirred, wrapping my fingers around the handle and carrying it through to the lounge. I'll drink this and sort out my apartment - I'll have to pick up Matt soon. Agh, I can't wait.

I plonked myself onto the sofa, being a bit too careless and spilling some of my drink onto my leather trousers. Fuck that stung! I winced and cursed under my breath, then placed my mug onto the coffee table.

"Silly buggar" Roy chuckled from the opposite sofa.

I rolled my eyes with a grin "Shut up, dude"

He smirked and lit his cigarette "So, word around here is you've bought a new pet?" he changed the subject.

"What?"

"This 'Matt' guy"

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" I sneered "Don't worry, you'll always be my little bitch".

"Oh, ha, ha" Roy replied sarcastically. "I'm just saying that it's pretty ridiculous" He added.

"Excuse me?"

"We don't need another member, it's risky"

"We can trust him"

"Oh, can we now? This isn't a fucking friendship group, Mello. It's the mafia, and we don't need some worthless sod trashing it up" Roy complained with a sharpened glare.

I gritted my teeth and returned the expression. Who does he think he is? He is in no authority to tell _me _what to do. Matt isn't the worthless sod here, it's him. Where the Hell did he get the guts to speak with that tone? If he isn't careful, I'll shove that cigarette of his straight into his eye.

"Don't speak about him like that" I hissed.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to insult your boyfriend like that" Roy quipped, how childish.

"I said-!" I rose from my seat and smashed my fist into his jaw, firmly sinking my knuckles into his skin. Throwing punch after punch until-

"Mello!" Rod had caught my arm mid-air. Fuck.

I yanked my arm from his grasp, grabbing my coat and storming out. I don't care; Roy deserved every single drop of blood I oozed out of him.

What a worthless sod.


End file.
